Day 7

Only 2 days left of work and I'm on vacation. After tonight, it can't come soon enough. I don't know if I was being Punk'd or what but everybody was exceptionally stupid! I had all kinds of questions that left me thinking "Did they really just ask me that?"

There was another pregnancy announcement today as well. I had a melt down in the bathroom...I've gotten progressively better at hiding these melt downs. Today almost no one knew there was anything wrong. This particular announcement was especially upsetting for me, it's a heavier set girl. I might sound like an asshole when I say that...but let me explain. Everything I've read about PCOS seems to indicate that being overweight is usually what throws your hormones out of whack, causing PCOS. So basically, I'm infertile right now because I'm fat. That was the reason I quit going to the first OB-GYN I went to up here because she spent the entire time telling me how all my problems are because I'm fat. My current doctor has NEVER said anything about my weight. So it's especially upsetting for me when heavier girls have no problem getting pregnant...especially when they're bigger than me. Before I begin to sound too bitter, I would also like to add that while I'm upset, I am also incredibly happy for this couple.

I know I'll never get the answers, but I always wonder why this had to happen to me. Why morbidly obese women...or drug addicts are able to get pregnant and I can't. Why is it that someone unemployed, living off the state pops out a kid every other day. I always wonder what I did to deserve this. It seems like some people have it all, everything's served to them on a silver platter. While Troy and I have to fight for just about everything, one time (just one time) I want something to come easy. I'm just not sure how much more fight I have left in me.