Day 9

Had a pretty rough day at work today...really stressed out. I'm feeling better right now though, I really should be in bed but I needed some time to unwind. I got my Spa package today (YAY!) and I have my first spa booked but I still need more. Come on girls, you'd be stupid to not host a spa! It's free and I will NEVER force you or guilt you into buying anything. I have become very passionate about BeautiControl, I firmly believe in their products. If it can relax me, it can relax anybody! Please feel free to call, text, or email me for any spa interest or product questions!

I'm trying to not get worked up, especially this time in my cycle. I'm trying to stay calm because I know that stress directly affects my fertility. I took my last 3 Clomid this morning. I'm sure everybody's happy about that, I've been a real bitch the last couple days!

Day 6

Telling a woman she can't do something makes her even more determined...at least it does me. We've had some major drama on the home front because of me selling BeautiControl and I can not wait to rub all of my earnings in Troy's face. At first I didn't think I could be successful doing this, but now I almost HAVE to be! There's a Spa package I can purchase that retails for $591 but I can get more than half off and it includes everything I need for my Spas. Troy and I had planned on purchasing it next week when we got paid but long story short I HAD to purchase it today in order to get the price because I screwed something up with ordering. I knew Troy would be upset but he completely blew it out of proportion. I had to cut the conversation short because I was at work and then I tried calling him back and he ignored my call! We text back and forth a little bit but there was just no convincing him that I have our finances under control. He was in bed when I came home from work tonight...I knew he would be. I hate going to bed angry, but at this point I feel I need to stand my ground.

Day 5

Everybody's favorite day!! What did everybody have for breakfast today? I had 3 wonderful servings of Clomid and a side of bitchiness. I don't notice any changes yet, but in the next couple days I'll become the Incredible Hulk. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for SOMETHING to happen this cycle, I'm not ready to accept the fact that I'm probably going to have to go to an RE. Last night I was checking out at Hy-Vee and this couple walked up behind me. Allow me to set the scene: the couple was delightfully white trash and had 97 white trash children with them as well. They come up and the mom's cussing and swearing at Billy Bob as she throws a pregnancy test on the counter..........................................................................It took all of my power to not say "I hope to God that comes back negative!!"

I'm not as good at hiding my pain anymore. Pregnancy talk puts me in tears, I wish that I could be happy for all my friends that are pregnant....I guess I should say that differently, I AM happy for all my friends that are pregnant-I wish that I could show it more than I do. It takes all of my energy to hold back the tears, I have no more energy for a smile after that.

My sister had her surgery today. It started at 1...haven't gotten any more updates than that. I've been a hot mess today. Between my sister, fertility pills, I bled through a pair of pants this morning, AND my sunglasses broke. I bawled for 20 minutes this morning and I've been close to tears all day. I just want to curl up in bed and stay there all day. Unfortunately, there's no rest for a new Beauti Consultant. I have BeautiU tonight, which I'm super excited about. I've gotten my first orders, after I get done blogging I'll be submitting my very first one. And then tomorrow morning I'm meeting with my director and a few other girls for a "new girl orientation."

Day 2

Started my period yesterday so I'm officially on a new cycle...if nothing happens this cycle, it will be my last one before seeing a RE. I'm really nervous but trying not to think about it. I need to call the doctor today and make my appointments.

Nothing much more to report...another crappy day...

Same old

Nothing too new to report. I've started my new cycle (well, at least I've started taking the Provera. I'm not on Day 1 yet.) I think I have 4 more days of the Provera, I've noticed some bleeding right now but nothing I can count as a period. I've been really sick the last couple days-I think it might be the Metformin-or maybe the really crappy diet I've had the last week!

One of the Installed Sales guys got fired this past weekend so once they post the job I'm going to put in for it and hopefully get it. I think it would be a good opportunity for me and also a chance to get off the front end! There's also going to be a Cabinets Specialist opening up, but I'm not sure that's something I want to do.

I have BeautiU on Monday, I'm pretty excited about. With everything going on lately I haven't had a whole lot of time to concentrate on BeautiControl but if anyone wants to put in an order BEFORE May 8 I'm offering 25% off. I think I've posted it before, but here's my page: www.beautipage.com/cstuart

If you'd like to order anything email or text me and I can get that put in for you. And if anyone ever has any questions please feel free to ask me.

A coworker and I went to see Barb in the hospital today. She seems to be doing pretty good, weak and tired-but good. It was a lot harder for me to see her than I thought it would be but I thought I held it together pretty well. I've been a wreck all weekend-praying nothing would happen to Barb-not only because I want Barb to be ok but because my sister will be going through this soon and I need something positive to keep me going.

I finally started the Provera, I decided I couldn't put off this cycle any more. I'm trying to stay as calm and relaxed as possible...also trying to keep my mind off of everything. I'm drowning myself in work, thank god I have BeautiControl to keep myself busy now too. I am crossing all my cross-ables and praying extra hard that something good can happen this cycle. I NEED something good to happen this cycle.

I'm going to take it easy the rest of the day. Thought about taking Lexi for a walk but it's still a little chilly. I think I'm going to spend the day dyeing my hair, doing laundry, and doing dishes.

I'm ready for business

I got my BeautiCase today...Hooray! I came home on my lunch break and it was sitting on my steps. It was just what I needed to brighten my mood from the day I was having. I'm so excited to finally start selling and even have a couple potential spas lined up already! I'm hoping to take Lexi on a walk here in a bit and that will put me in a better mood too.

On the fertility side of things, I've been putting off getting my prescribtions. I don't know why, I just don't feel like going to Wal-Mart. Maybe I'm trying to prolong this cycle because I don't want to find out I have to go to an RE quite yet.

Slightly relaxed

After a much needed three day weekend at my parents house, I'm feeling slightly better. All of my coworkers seem to think what happened Thursday was bull shit as well, not that it changes anything-but it does make me feel better. I've been talking to my HR manager about part time benefits and we just found out today they don't cover infertility. So I guess I'm stuck at Lowe's until we get pregnant, but as soon as that happens I'm applying at Prairie Meadows.

The new feeling of being a BeautiControl consultant hasn't worn off yet. I spent all weekend on their website- browsing, fantasizing about what I want to order, thinking about my future. Hopefully I can make good money doing this and even get promoted to Director some day. You get some really kick ass awards for being promoted. I'm still waiting on my package to come :( I got my page set up, go visit it at: www.beautipage.com/cstuart

Fed up

It has been the shittiest two weeks! And today was no exception. I've been on inventory this week and today was pulled from it for no apparent reason other than "they didn't need me." That pissed me on in itself...later on in the day I heard from several people it was because "my heart just wasn't in it." Really?! What kind of BS excuse is that. And if I was doing something wrong, why couldn't my supervisor have said anything to me, how the hell am I supposed to get any better if I don't know I'm doing anything wrong? I was livid after I heard that and even had a minor melt down in the bathroom. I considered talking to my supervisor about it but decided I was way too emotional today to do it. I bust my ass for that place and bend over backwards whenever they need me. Right before I was about ready to go home another manager asked if I was interested in coming in two hours early to do outside lawn and garden zone recovery. I asked if I'd get over time for it and he says "No, you'll just leave two hours early." I said "Nope." I'm almost positive, in four years that's the first time I've ever said no to anybody at that place and it felt pretty good.

Last night Troy mentioned Prairie Meadows is hiring in the bank, which would pretty much be a similar job to mine right now, minus being in charge of cashiers and crap, plus a pretty decent pay raise. After today, it's becoming more and more enticing. The only thing holding me back is the fact that PM's insurance doesn't cover infertility. My HR at Lowe's is going to find out if our part time insurance would have enough infertility coverage to make it worth while-if it does, I would just drop down to part time until we got pregnant and then probably quit Lowe's all together. It's definately something I'm considering, it just depends on how things come together.

I am officially a Beauticontrol consultant! Yay!! This is something else I'd been going back and forth about all week, but after talking to the lady who's done our Spa parties I felt really good about everything and decided to take the plunge. I should be set up and ready to sell in a week or two.

With all that being over, thank God I have a three day weekend. Troy took Saturday and Sunday off so he has a four day weekend. Tomorrow we're heading down to my parents. It'll be really nice to get away for a couple days.

Day 28

I know...I've been pretty quiet lately. I guess I just feel like there isn't much to update, but at the same time a lot has happened in the last week. As you know I got bad results from my appointment last week, then I also got more bad news. At this point and time it's nothing I can share, but by the middle of the week I had had about more than I could take. I'm slowly getting better, I just want something good to happen for a change.

We did get DVR and HD yesterday so I'm pretty excited about that. Now with my crazy schedule I don't have to worry about missing my shows!

The doctor cancelled my appointment for tomorrow which makes me feel like she's lost all hope for me. We're going to try at least one more month and see what my numbers do. Please keep praying for not only me but my family as well. Thanks to everybody for all your support.