Day 20

My Day 21 appointment is tomorrow. I'm a little nervous, and I'm not even sure why. The doctors office called today to get a whole bunch of background health information which I thought was a little weird but figured they knew what they were doing so I went along with it. About 5 minutes into the questions she says something about a positive pregnancy test. I said "Hold up...I'm not pregnant." After which there was a long awkward silence. She finally said they had me down as a new OB patient and was trying to get some history from me. Did they not check my file or something? This makes me even more nervous than I was already. She asked what I was being seen for and again I'm thinking "Shouldn't you guys know this?" I told her it was to check my progesterone levels and then she starts rambling about how both my appointments are lab work and I know the doctor wants to see me at least next week...I would assume at least. I asked her to verify with the doctor and I'm going to ask again tomorrow, I don't want to come in next week and have them completely confused.

Works been difficult for me lately. There's a girl that's due on Friday and it seems like every time I turn around someone else is pregnant so there's been a lot of baby talk lately. I generally tend to ignore it, but I can tell it's taking a toll on my mentality. There's also another lady at work who I don't feel I'm close enough to to share my infertility issues with, but she does know that Troy and I have been trying. Every time a baby comes in she asks if we're still trying. The last time she asked I couldn't stop myself from saying "No, it didn't work the first month so we gave up." She looked a little stunned, and I felt like a total ass but I was beginning to get a little irritated. Last week a coworker brought in their baby and she says "Maybe if you go look at the baby, you'll get pregnant." That comment brought all kinds of comebacks to my mind, all of which would have probably gotten me fired so I did manage to bite my tongue on that one. Ever since we got married, everytime I get sick the automatic response is "Are you pregnant?" I used to brush it off, but now it's like every time someone asks me that (especially because I've been sick with sinus problems all month) it's like they're chiseling a little bit more off my heart.