Tomorrow I will take my last Clomid pills...EVER (and this time I really do mean that!) I think Troy and I will both being doing a little happy dance. I've been kind of a mess tonight, I think the heat is starting to get to me physically and emotionally. I have so many emotions going on right now...I have so much pain running through me, it's causing me to lash out.
Pain because of our infertility- I'm pissed off at the world because my ovaries don't work. I'm still left wondering what I ever did to deserve this, what Troy ever did to deserve this.
Pain because of my grandmother- I worry about her every day...my heart stops when I see I have a missed call, terrified it's going to be my mom. I want nothing more than to be there with her, taking care of her...and I can't figure out why I feel so strongly. We were close when I was young, but the last ten years or so I've really neglected our relationship. Maybe it's guilt from that...or maybe it's just simply because she's my grandmother and I'm trying to put too much thought into it.
Everything causes me to feel so helpless, and as a control freak I can't stand it. I believe that it is literally driving me crazy. I say a little prayer every day thanking God for Troy. I firmly believe I wouldn't be ok without him.
My life right now can't be placed into words...it is chaotic, stressful, emotional, sometimes wonderful...but this is my attempt at describing it.
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