Still no call...I have to admit it's upsetting. But tonight I have much more than my test results on my mind. I feel like people are watching me, waiting for me to crack-and I can say I have officially reached my breaking point.
When I first began this journey, another girl who went through infertility told me to keep it as private as I possibly could because fertile people make hurtful comments without even realizing it. Back then, I thought that was the stupidest advice anyone had ever given me...looking back I wish I'd have taken it! I used to be able to smile when someone would make a stupid comment, now it's like being stabbed right in the heart. A guy in my office just had a baby. Of course I'm happy for them they will make GREAT parents, but it's still upsetting. The icing on the cake was when they brought him in and one of my closest friends at work looks at me and says "Get busy!" Oh right, because having an entire pharmacy in my purse, having a tube shoved into my cervix, getting up at 5 AM every freakin morning to take my temperature, or having timed sex every other day is slacking off. Or just tonight, another friend offered to make a "prego sandwich" with me in the middle...seriously, I don't even have anything to say to that. Or here's a classic, "Have you tried drinking the water?" No, but right now I'd like to drown myself in it!! Maybe I'm just bitter. I tell my friends what's going on because I want their support...not their asinine comments.
I could really use a miracle.
Dear God,
If you're listening right now, I have officially had more than I can handle. If you could just arrange a meeting with my egg and Troy's sperm, maybe they could have a date in my uterus. Really, that's all I'm asking for.
Sincerely,
Courtney
My life right now can't be placed into words...it is chaotic, stressful, emotional, sometimes wonderful...but this is my attempt at describing it.
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