I've never liked roller coasters

I've only ridden two rollercoasters in my entire life, and they were at Adventureland, so they almost don't even count! Now with infertility I'm on an emotional roller coaster (nice metaphor, huh?!). The first part of this month I was feeling good, felt like something was going on in there-felt positive. Then right around Days 14-18 I was a nervous wreck-felt like I wasn't ovulating this month because I didn't notice any changes. On Days 19-today I was beginning to feel a little bit more positive because I was beginning to notice some changes. And the last couple days I'd been feeling really crappy and just not myself, so I even have a twinkling of hope that I could be pregnant...and then the doctor called this morning.

I woke up to the phone ringing and smiled when I saw it was FINALLY the doctor! We chatted for a few seconds and then she told me my progesterone was at 1.7 this month. Before Clomid I was at .5, on 50MG of Clomid I was at 3.3, on 100MG of Clomid I drop to 1.7. How the hell does that happen?! At first I thought it was a joke, or a mistake. I asked her to double check they had the right person. She assured me they did and said she's seen this happen before but wouldn't really tell me if it's good or bad. Just from the conversation though, I'm almost certain it's not good. She said next month we'll go up to 150MG which is the highest they go. We'll see what that does to my progesterone, but then she said it would be up to us if we wanted to continue for a few months and then go to an RE, or just do one month of the 150MG and then go straight to an RE. My heart dropped when she started talking about RE's (sorry for the abbreviation but I always forget what the R is...it's some sort of endocrinologist).

I don't even want to get out of bed this morning. I wish I could call into work for a mental health day or something. I was beginning to feel like a double line on that pregnancy test was possible...now I feel like it's not.