Day 15/16

It's been a rough couple days. I only have three more "official" days at head cashier (I say official, because I know there will be days I'll have to fill in. Much to my protest there's already one day they've planned to steal me!). It's like the cashiers are testing my final strings of patience in this last week. Tonight I am physically exhausted from running around like crazy at work, but mentally I'm restless. So here I am, blogging at midnight.

Right around now is when I should be ovulating...I feel nothing. I don't feel any cramping, I don't notice any extra discharge. It really bums me out, I guess I was hoping we'd be successful on our final round. I feel like I only have myself to blame. While I obviously would not be pissed if I got pregnant this month, I briefly mentioned one time to Troy (and only Troy) that a very, very miniscule part of me hoped we didn't get pregnant this time because there's so many fun things to do in Colorado that you can't do if you're pregnant. I know that I can not control my body, but I almost feel like I cursed myself by saying that. Troy thinks the exact opposite, he thinks that because I don't exactly want to get pregnant this time I will. My hopes are not up this time, but I will never tell Troy that. Every cycle he'd ask me what I felt, how I felt...now he's stopped asking, and I've stopped telling him.

Friday I will have my final blood draw, at least while being on Clomid. I probably won't get my results until Monday August 1 because my appointment is in the afternoon this time. If we have to go to the RE I certainly hope their receptionists are nicer than my current doctor. The lady I made this appointment with was a real hag.